In the first place, my parents divorced when I was quite young. Although he was always welcome in my maternal grandparents' home, my biological father was seldom a visitor. In consequence, I grew up as the only child in our small rural community without a father in the home. On the rare occasions when I lamented my lack of a father, my grandmother quoted "living well is the best revenge." That removed any thought of "getting even" or "making him pay" for being absent.
I had my grandfather and my godfather (our community physician) as male role models. So I went ahead and built my life around the people who were in my life at the time. On the rare occasions when my father arrived (once when I was six, and again when I was twenty-one and my daughter was six months old), he was amazed that I didn't actually remember him. This habit persisted til he died. He'd show up unexpectedly at my front door after an absence of several years, expecting me to be waiting with folded hands and bated breath for him to reappear. He was always disappointed - all six times. I had a life, and I was busy living it.
I was never rude or inhospitable to him when he showed up unexpectedly. My grandmother had a very few cardinal rules. One of them dealt with visitors. "I don't care how you feel about it; you will put on a pretty face and be nice to the company." It was a given that was never questioned. You were never rude nor inhospitable with her around. And it pays off. You never have regrets about being nasty to someone in the heat of anger or frustration when you live by that motto.
I have never regretted making a life without him. Nor have I ever regretted being welcoming and hospitable when he arrived. Probably this entire meandering is meant to say that making a good life should be the focus of our attentions, not the slights and unfairness we all encounter from time to time.
Make it a policy to live well. You will never regret it.
