Decisions

During a rough patch in our marriage, my husband and I were seeing a counselor. At one point he said something quite illuminating. "I can't tell where one of you ends and the other begins."

At that moment, in my mind's eye, I could see a bunch of color crayons in the back window of a car. They had been there in the summer heat and melted together in one large amorphous mass. The purpose of a crayon is to color a specific area with a certain hue. If you can't separate one from the other, you can't use it.

Extrapolating, I decided that if I had no boundaries, I  was of no use to myself or anyone else. Beginning that day, I started making boundaries in my life. The first boundary was that I would do nothing under duress or pressure unless I decided to do it. It had to be my volition, not a kowtow to someone else.

Then I began to look at things I wanted to accomplish in my life. Making a road map for them became a high priority. And I'm happy to say that I'm on the way to getting some of them done.

Making these decisions was much like going on a diet or, more euphemistically, a strict eating plan. If you are starting a diet, you purge the kitchen of all things forbidden on that diet. You schedule meals around the points or calories or portion options. You plan menus a week in advance. Your grocery trips revolve around the fresh produce, and meat and dairy counters. You avoid the snack aisle and the end caps filled with candies and baked goods.

If your eating plan is worth that kind of effort, isn't your life worth it, also?

You may decide to limit your club groups or scheduled outings in favor of a specific hobby or avocation. You may limit your time with friendly acquaintances to spend more quality time with closer friends. You might take up a hobby or business pursuit for which you haven't made the time before.

The trick is to decide levels of importance in your life.

For me, family comes first. I have lost enough people in my life to cherish the importance of family. Second is my private time. I've earned the right to have some time to myself, and I don't let people intrude on it. My third priority is my writing. Making time for it required adjusting my working hours at my day job and juggling my household responsibilities. But I have them in equilibrium now and will work to keep them that way.

I could go further, but you get the idea. Your priorities will be different from mine. And that's just fine. Remember that the ultimate goal is to Live Well. Anything that does not contribute to your living well can be eliminated.

Happy housecleaning.